Now we've seen it all...

Up until last weekend we’d been just about everywhere in this state except the far south (technically we’ve never been to Pensacola, but we’ve been close). So we decided before we leave, as long as we’re this close, we’d better go check it out. It was a long, long, long way down the road, but we made it. Miami was incredible, but extremely crowded. The clear blue water, twisting palm trees, and thousands of high rise condos were everywhere, and it looks pretty much like they show it on TV. Unfortunately, we never made it to Miami Beach. We were there, but with ten thousand cars and twelve parking spaces, there was no stopping and looking to be had. It was pretty much a mess. We weren’t actually able to get out of the car until we got just out of the city and stopped at a state park on Key Biscayne.

Now Key Biscayne would have been very nice, but… by the time I got out of the car, I was ready to drown myself in the disappointingly cold water. You see, apparently the state parks in Florida are still operating in 1956… where people only carry cash. As we left Jacksonville on the interstate I said, “Maybe we should have gotten cash… nah, it won’t matter.” Wrong. I got in line at the toll booth to go into the park, and with 50 cars behind me, I handed the lady my debit card. She looked at me like she didn’t know what a debit card was. We only take cash. What year is this? 2009? I’m sorry, what is cash? Those green things with the heads on them? Who carries those?? So she had to fill out this form while the angry drivers behind me cursed profanities in my direction (then they saw my University of Montana sticker and understood what was going on). So I was angry, and all I wanted to do was stop the car and get out to see the ocean. So let’s just stop in this parking lot. That’ll be five dollars… cash only. Right. Ok, I saw a big aquarium back there, maybe they have an ATM, let’s pull into their parking lot. If you want to park in this lot, it’s eight dollars… in cash. How in the Hell am I supposed to use the ATM in this place if you won’t let me park without paying you in cash first?? I already told every other lady trying to rob me that I don’t have any cash!! And if I had had cash before, you people would have sucked it all out of me by now by charging me to breathe the air in this park!!! So the guy let me into the parking lot to use the ATM machine. And I paid him eight dollars just to use it, because there was absolutely no reason to stay at the aquarium. They wanted $70 to fight through the three thousand screaming kids to see a bunch of stupid dolphins. But it was ok, we did see a light house, and I was able to stop the urge to throw myself over its railing. And I got to see the first toll lady again, which was nice. Because I had to leave the park, come back in, pay her $3 for the first time, pay her $3 for letting me come back in to pay her for the first time, and then I finally got to leave. I won’t be going back.

The second day was much better, even though the anger of the first carried over somewhat. The Keys were kind of disappointing altogether. They haven’t built anything new in 40 years, so if the last time you were there was when Kennedy was president, it looks the same, only dirtier. Key West was definitely worth seeing, but you had to drive 50mph for 150 miles to get to it. Take a plane, or a cruise ship, and save yourself the annoyance of two lane traffic and 50,000 tourists. The Seven Mile Bridge was also impressive, and the palm trees were nice. The Key Lime pie was incredible, and I don’t like Key Lime pie, but I could’ve eaten a whole one. Buy a souvenir in Key West, in Key Largo the same thing is three times the price.

Overall, just go to Destin. The beaches there are ten times as nice and not littered with dead seaweed. And in Destin they might actually have those machines where you swipe your card to pay for things. It’s incredible, you don’t have to carry a thousand one dollar bills to pay the tolls when you go to Destin. Or Jacksonville Beach for that matter. Jax Beach is free. It’s free to park, it’s free to breathe. We don’t have palm trees on the beach, but we also have sand on our beach, not sharp dried up sea garbage. Stupid Florida Keys.

Whatever, I’ll stop whining and you can look at these pictures. At least we got some pictures, and we look happy in them. I guess we’ve both worked in retail stores at some point, so we know how to smile through the rage. And Paul, well, he’s always happy.

Until our next fun filled family adventure!