In the Words of Mason….

So I try not to imitate my brother’s blog by only posting when something depressing or irritating has happened in our lives, but today I have no choice. Thursday we had one of those days that my nephew Mason would have labeled as, “The worst day of my life.” His worst day ever was set off by having to go to JCPenny so I could buy a couple of shirts (I’m not sure where he wanted to go, but it wasn’t JCPenny), but he had at least three or four more worst days of his life after that while I was staying with them over the summer. But the “worst day of our lives” was set off by someone stealing the car the other day.

So the Unbehends donated this Dodge Intrepid to The Florida Sellers Foundation (hang tight and I’ll give you the information on how to make a donation yourself) and it served as the mode of cross-country transportation for our move to Maryland. Somehow after we moved here, I lost the radiator cap off of it, so I had stopped driving it and it had pretty much been sitting out there for the last two weeks. Well, I looked out the window the other day, and it was gone without a trace. I laughed about it. Yeah, it was kind of funny. They stole a car with no radiator cap. It would only take about 15 minutes before it was blowing smoke everywhere. Ha, that’s funny. Stupid thieves.

The police showed up and told us it was the second stolen vehicle that morning… on our street. Awesome. They called us the next morning at 6AM to tell us it had been found up in New Carrollton, a quaint little municipality on the northeast side of the city. Ok, we’ll drive up and get it released, no problem. Should just take a couple of hours. Little did I know I was venturing down the twisted staircase into the entrails of Hell.

The tow company wouldn’t give me the car without a release from the police… but they would gladly charge $50 a day to keep it for me. The police department wouldn’t give me the release because the name on the title was Unbehend. You need to drive 30 miles back to Waldorf and go to the DMV and pay to register your stolen car (which at this point we didn’t even know if it was worth the $88 to register). The DMV wouldn’t register it without proof of the lien being paid off, and the proof we had – the loan document with a giant stamp that said LIEN PAID – was not good enough.

Set my papers on the roof of the car so I can open the door. Wind blows my papers across the parking lot. Scream profanities into the now afternoon sky. Contemplate kicking in the door of the car. Lady in parking lot rolls up her window and looks the other way. Search for keys that are suddenly missing. Scream more profanities at my car. Drive back to house because even if they would have let me register, I had forgotten any form of payment. Drive back to the DMV, talk to the supervisor, get a receipt that shows the DMV now has the title and they are transferring it to my name. Drive the 30 miles back to the police station in New Carrollton, give them the form from the DMV.

We’re sorry, this isn’t good enough. You need to have the title for us to release it to you.

I brought the title earlier. The DMV now has it, because you told me to take it to them. Hear the ringing of the tow company cash register in my head. Ca-ching! Bill is now $300. Consider putting on my Terminator shades and telling lady at desk, “I’ll be back.” Talk to hard working police supervisor with joyful attitude and Dunkin Donuts Disorder. Convince him to give me the release, because I wasn’t leaving without it, at least not without a nightstick beating. Get a fax from Montana with a statement that I am authorized to remove the car. Get the release. Thank the clerk and skip merrily out of the station.

Drive to the ghetto. Walk up the stairs into the tow company house of horrors. Bring my self-defense weapon/car starter/flat head screw driver. Cringe as I pay the man. Drive to the ghetto car lot. Waive to the nice Latino fellows selling crack outside the nice car lot. Put coolant in the car and screw on the new cap. Use the screw driver to start it. Check out the brand new brick, tree branch, and phone bill the thief left me. Check that they took my CDs, but left Paul’s Word World DVD. Yeah, no need to learn to spell words in this part of town.

Bump out to Jay Z on the hip hop channel. Drive through rush hour traffic with my wife following behind. Sense the panic running through her as we get on the interstate with five million road raged DC residents. Turn on the heater, no hot air. See the gauge run up to red. Hear the motor rattle. Coast off the side of the road. Watch the cars fly by at 80 MPH. See the smoke shoot out of random places on the motor. Sit along side of the road. Get into the other car, smell the pleasant aroma wafting from Paul’s pants. Only going to be gone for an hour, no replacement pull-ups.

Call the car donation people to come take it away forever. They won’t tow it off the freeway. It’s illegal to tow a car off the freeway she tells me. So wouldn't you see thousands of broken down cars rotting along the freeway then? Right. Drive into a slightly less ghetto town. Call the tow truck. Follow the car home. Cringe as I pay the man again. Look at the dented, broken, leaking car sitting in front of the house. No longer laughing.

Awesome day. Anyone need a car? I’ll cut you a good deal. Still in great shape. Free brick and tree branch included.

The Big Brother

Oh no... I may have to share my wheels and my D??

Most of you already know, but I figured I'd better put it on the blog anyway, since this is the internet age. So sometime around April 15, 2010, Paul will discover the world of being a big brother! We finally got this one just about trained, and now we're starting over again. Now comes the name picking, the baby clothes shopping, the sleeping on a hospital couch, the crib, the swing, the high chair, the little socks, the little hats, the spit up rags, the screaming, the diaper messing, the long nights, and all the rest of the amazing things that come with it. Should increase the insanity around here just a little bit!! Wish us luck!

Seeing the Sights for Free

The nicest thing about D.C. is that most of the tourist attractions are free! The museums, monuments, and even the zoo is cost free to get into! This is incredible when compared to places like St. Augustine down in Florida, where to see a half eaten taco left by Ponce de Leon costs $15 per person. So while I’m on permanent vacation, we’ve been checking out a few things. We rode the Metro up to the zoo the other day to see the animals!


Unfortunately, a lot of the zoo was under construction, so many of the animals were absent without leave… probably wandering around the streets somewhere. But we did see a lion, a tiger, and a Panda Bear… oh my!

The Pandas are kind of a big thing at this zoo, and actually pretty cool to check out. Otherwise, we saw a few flamingos and other large birds, some monkeys, porcupines, a giant octopus, Mr. Crabs from the Sponge Bob show, a komodo dragon, an invisible gorilla and a vanishing hippo, a wallaby from down under, and a gang of fearless sparrows that attempted to loot our popcorn tub.

A couple of days after the zoo we took the Metro to Arlington National Cemetery. We’d been there before, but I really wanted to see the Iwo Jima statue this time because we missed it last time. Well… that didn’t work out. As it turns out, Arlington is massive, and the maps only come about every few miles as you walk around. So we watched the changing of the guard, saw where they just recently buried Ted Kennedy, and then walked, and walked, and walked some more trying to find the statue. Turns out, they call it the Marine Corps War Memorial, and we walked right past the sign that so easily pointed the way to it. Good job. At least we’ll know how to get there next time.

Roary the Racing Car!

Becky still had some cash stuffed into one of Paul’s birthday cards from three months ago, so we figured we’d better let him get a very, very late present with it. We went to the local Toys R’ Us and Paul was in heaven! I put him in one of those Big Wheels cars that was perfect for his size, and he cruised around part of the store with a mischievous grin across his face. Unfortunately, he didn’t have that much birthday money, and I can only imagine how much stuff would get broken if he was driving a car through the house. So, we settled for a remote controlled Ferrari.

On one of the Thomas the Train videos that Paul watches continuously, there is a preview for some show called Roary the Racing Car. So when he started driving this car around the driveway he was singing the theme song over and over again. ROOOOARY the Racing Car!!

Paul’s dad was almost as big of a fan of Roary the remote control car as Paul was. We built a ramp in the driveway, drove it down the street dodging oncoming traffic, and ran it into the grass.

I’m pretty sure we about ran the batteries out on the first day. So now we know how easy it is to keep me and Paul occupied for an extended period of time.

Fredericksburg! Fredericksburg!

Last weekend we drove a short ways down into Virginia to see - you guessed it - more battlefields! Fredericksburg sits at about the half-way point between Richmond and Washington, so it was the site of numerous conflicts during the Civil War. Fredericksburg, Chancellorsville, the Wilderness, and a couple of other smaller battles took place within about a twenty mile radius, so it was easy to see several sites in one day.


We stopped in the town first and saw what remained of the battlefield. Unlike Gettysburg, which has been mostly preserved, this one was mostly covered up by houses built after the war. What was left was Marye’s Heights, where the Confederates controlled the high ground that won the battle, and the Sunken Road, where they lined up and massacred the Union soldiers that tried to cross the open field. Eight thousand died in the field in a few hours time, and only a few got within thirty yards of making it to the wall. So in other words, it was not a good day to be fighting for the North. It’s hard to imagine it now, because when you walk along the wall all you see are trees and houses, rather than an open field, but it was definitely worth checking out.

The Sunken Road.

Paul wishing he was a cavalry officer!

Even Thomas the Train came along... actually, he comes with us to most places.

There was less to see at Chancellorsville, but it was the site where General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was fatally wounded by his own men firing through the trees in the dark. They had all the spots marked out. He was shot here, his horse ran here, they pulled him off here, he fell on his broken arm here, and then they took him to a house over there, where they cut his arm off a few days before he died of pneumonia. Sounds like an otherwise lousy way to go. I remember writing a book report on Stonewall Jackson in fifth grade, so it was pretty cool to me. They made it clear that he was as important to the South as General Lee was, and may have made better decisions in Gettysburg where Lee ultimately lost the war. So it’s interesting to think what may have happened had he not been killed here. Cool stuff, well… for me anyway.

Another Day at the Marina

I’m a couple of posts behind (because I have sooo much to do), so I just wanted to put up a few pics from last week. Continuing our exploration of the surrounding areas, we stopped by this state park just down the road to see what might be going on. Not a lot. Basically it was a marina and not really much of a park. It would have been really cool had we had a boat, or jet skis, or one of those hover craft things I saw on TV the other night that goes on water and on land! But we don’t have any of those things. We don’t even have a kayak. Not that I would want a kayak, because I’d probably drown. And if you drown on the river because you’re an inexperienced kayaker, then there’s probably no one to sue. So we didn’t get in the water. But we did walk around a bit and take some photos. Just like these:


I think it started to rain a little bit about this time. We tried to walk around to check out the "cool" people's boats, but they locked us out.


Paul found this stage and he decided to display one of his modern performance art pieces. Truly magnificent.

Then he crossed the bridge over the troubled water. Actually it was pretty calm and full of large lilly pads, and one lonely turtle. No gators though.

Not really sure what's going on here.

Oh man, if we only had a kayak... or a 60 foot yacht, that could work.

Well, someday maybe we'll have a boat to take to the marina. Maybe even one that hovers over the land as seen on TV! Yeah, probably not.

Lifestyles of the Poor and the Useless

When you’re unemployed and mostly useless, like us, you have to find something to do to entertain yourself. You can only watch so much Sponge Bob, go to Home Depot so many times, and search the classifieds for jobs that don’t exist so often, before you have to do something else to occupy your time. Thankfully, there are a few new places to check out. So yesterday we went to Fort Washington on the Potomac River, a fort originally constructed prior to the War of 1812 to defend the capital from possible British invasion. It worked fantastically! The British landed a little farther south and just marched around the fort right into the city where they set everything on fire. Good job, Fort Washington. Anyway, it was pretty much like every other fort that we saw down south: brick walls, big canons, and humidity. Being an early American soldier would have been fun.

Are you being serious? It's hot, and I had just about fallen asleep in the car.

Wow, Dad. This fort looks exactly like the last one.

Right where she belongs. Behind bars.

Look, I brought a wheel!

Strolling along the brick walls!

Yeah, yeah...

Wait... what?

Quick! Hide behind the wall where she won't see you!

And that's it. As far as forts go, it wasn't exactly the most interesting. Nothing really exciting ever happened, but that's probably how you'd prefer it if you were ever stationed there anyway. And for us, now it's back to uselessness.